Tuesday, March 8, 2011

What's New

What's New

In a Loud Voice

Have  you ever wanted to hear God in "a Loud Voice"?  As I read the Bible, I read about people who heard God speak to them.  Was it in their head, or did they really hear his voice speak to them? Often wondered about that!

Here I am almost 2 months after being let go from my job of over 8 years at one place! I've tried really hard to listen to "God's Voice" and I think I do hear him.  I just wish I could have no doubts that it is really Him that is talking to me and not just my desires coming through.  
I want to know that I am on the path that He wants me to be on.... I want to hear that voice say "Go this way, I will bless"  but I want to hear Him in a loud voice!

We've been talking about WORDS at NRHC the last couple of weeks.  I know that words are so important! They convey the message to others. They can hurt, heal, bring joy or sadness, a lot of things.   I read God's words and try desperately to apply them to my life. 

I'm in the book of Genesis, where 3 "men" visit Abraham and tell him what is about to transpire in his life. As I read on I realize that one of these men is the LORD. They just sit there and have a conversation between them "in the flesh!"

I want God to talk to me like that, (at least I think I do).  I don't want to just read his word and try to figure out what He is saying to me.  I want to hear his voice in my ear, "in a loud voice" . 
When I read His word, sometimes I get that "ah ha" moment, but most times I do not.  I sometimes feel like I am guessing as to how this applies to the situation I am in.
I know God's word says seek and you will find.  I am seeking, but am having a hard time finding, because I feel like I can't "hear' God talk to me in HIS voice. 
 I hear very wise  things from very wise people, and sometimes it feels like it is words from  God, but a lot of the times I wonder am I just hearing their own thoughts and words.
If God only talks to me through the Bible, Godly people, dreams, and my thoughts, I'm afraid I am missing out on so much that He wants me to know.

Why doesn't he come visit me like Abraham?  I would fix him a meal and sit at his feet learning all I could!


Monday, February 21, 2011

Trust in the Lord

 Proverbs 3: 7-10 states 'Don't be impressed with your own wisdom.  Instead, fear the Lord and turn your back on evil.  Then you will gain renewed health and vitality. Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything your land produces.  Then he will fill your barns with grain and your vats will overflow with the finest wine."

It seems finally I can hear God talking to me through so many ways.  And He is saying the same thing through all of those.  "TRUST ME, I KNOW WHAT  I AM DOING"

Trust is such a easy concept, yet it is so hard to do for this "type A, domineering, in-control" woman.  In most things in my adult life, I have been the director and driver. Either directing the situation and telling everyone and everything what to do or doing it myself, because only I could do it the best way.

Now God is asking me to step back and let Him lead; let Him be the director and driver. How do I do this?  How do I just suddenly let go and let God?  In my head, I know He ALWAYS knows the right plan, but I still struggle with letting Him have complete control over my life. I guess that is why I am in the situation that I am in right now.  Now I must depend on Him to open the right doors and hang a big sign on it that says "This is the one, walk through, I'm here!

God, I pray that I will not miss the signs.  I have gotten the message that I must trust you COMPLETELY!  I do!  I know that only you can bring about change in my heart.  Change my heart.  Make me more like Jesus.  Let others see the transformation in my life that will point them to YOU. Guide my steps, put people in my path that need to see you through me.  Put people in my path that will help me stay on your path for my life.
I love you and am excited and scared about this new journey that I will be on. Calm my fears and give me the assurances along the way.


Saturday, February 19, 2011


For the last week, I've been searching the scriptures for answers.  I've really been searching for what King Solomon had: WISDOM.
It seems kind of elusive sometimes, I guess because I "lean on my own understanding" so many times more than I lean on God's understanding.  It seems easier to just do whatever I want instead of asking God to point me in the right direction and keep me on the straight and narrow.
Yesterday I read something that gave me that "ah-ha" moment.  It was from Oswald Chambers.
I have made some big mistakes in my life, but I cannot go back and retrieve those missed opportunities, so I must trust Him and go to the next thing!
I must let God take care of those missed opportunities and trust Him as I go with him into my future.

TRUST: now that is another thing, but it goes hand in hand with wisdom.
Proverbs 3: 5  Trust in the Lord with all your heart: do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your paths.

To receive God's guidance I must seek God's will in ALL I do. Turning EVERYTHING  over to Him.
Trust Him completely in ALL.  do .  his plan is in not be wise in my own eyes.  Pray and read His word to receive His guidance.  His plan is in His word.  To know His plan, I have to be in His word.  Wisdom and Understanding and Fear of the Lord cannot enter my life until I know His word and trust him in EVERYTHING.

Prayers would greatly be appreciated, as I begin AGAIN!  Thank you God for loving  me even when I mess up really badly!


Sunday, May 16, 2010

Saying Goodbye

Whew! What a week! My Dad has left this world and now I feel orphaned.  My Mom is gone and now my Dad is gone.  The two people who were responsible for my being are no longer present in my life.  They both are now just present in my memories.

"PRESENT" Wow it just dawned on me that, not only are they just present in my memories.  God allowed for them to be a Present for me. They have given me not only the building blocks of life, but the building blocks of who I am.

I have really combed the memories of my parents the last few weeks;  gleaning all that I could. It is funny how God allows you to remember specific things your parents have told you at just the right time! Could it be His way of guiding you on the path with which you should take? ... Hmmmm  more thoughts to ponder...

My parents and I had some "rocky" times in our past.

 My Dad missed out on the "IMPRESSIONABLE" years of my life.(3-13); or so I thought.   I have realized in my adult life that my Dad was an awesomely (is that a word) wise man.  My Dad was a listener.  As we would have family visits, with everyone seemingly talking at once to tell the latest story; my Dad was taking it all in.  His eyes would jump from person to person as he listened intently to what they were saying.  He always seem to hear past the words and really "hear" what the heart was saying.  My Dad, because of his listening heart and ears has been so instrumental in shaping me into the woman I have become.  He seemed to know the "real" me when no one else got it.  His advice, although not always taken, was so much about doing the right thing, doing no harm to others while being good to yourself.   William Shakespeare once said" A Father is man who knows his own child"... My Dad knew me as a Father knows his child. I hope my Dad was proud of me.  I was certainly honored to be called his daughter.

My Mom was there during those "IMPRESSIONABLE" years.  My Mom raised me to be a "mini me".  I certainly was a mini her. I was wild,carefree and self sufficient. I took care of me and what was "mine" without much thought of others.  There were those that I loved and cherished along the way who, no matter how I treated them, loved me.  As I grew older, I felt my Mother's love for me was conditional.  As long as I had her approval, I had her love.  As a child it was easy for my Mom to love me, I did what she asked with no questions.  As I grew into teenage-hood I became the self-sufficient person my Mom had taught me to be.  I did not do as she wanted anymore, I did not have her approval for everything I did.  She was disappointed and it showed. I did not become the doctor she wanted me to be, I did not marry the man she wanted for me, I did not have the house she wanted for me.  I did not have the life she wanted me to have and she could not control me anymore! I could do nothing right.............. Until my darling Heather was born!

I saw a side of my Mom that I had forgot existed.  She loved Heather with everything she had!  Heather helped bring out the softer side of my Mom.  I don't know what hurts my Mom had, but Heather helped to heal them in my Mom.

Then came Kristyn!  This continued the healing of my Mom's heart.  She loved Kristyn so much.  Kristyn and her had a bond that seemed unbreakable. My Mom's was the only place Kristyn would stay with overnight without Heather.  Kristyn still does not like to spend the night with others (except Dallion).

Then came little Daniel at 3lb and 15 oz.  He was so tiny and helpless and needed us all (even my Mom).  My Mom finally had a little boy to love and he adored her. She loved spending time with him even though she was beginning to get sick herself

As my Mom's health began to decline more, her mood went along with it.  We began to drift further apart, even Heather, Kristyn and Daniel could not hold us together.

Then there was my Dad through all this.  He was so supportive of me.  He would talk to me for hours on the phone.  Without ever saying anything negative about my Mom, he would encourage me to do all that I could to repair our relationship.  Family was so important to him.  "No matter what they do, they are your family" he would say to me.  "She is your Mom and you must love her no matter what"  He was right , I knew it, but sometimes it was so hard. 

Two years before Mom died, she called to say she needed me.  She was to be  put on a transplant list for her lung condition.  She wanted to know if I would be her support through the process.  Of course I said yes.  We began our great journey to that "mother/daughter" relationship I had always wanted with her.  We mended so many fences and healed so many wounds. We had a great 2 years. I saw the loving woman my Mom was meant to be.  She never went a day without calling me to see how I was.  She never went a day without telling me she loved me. She constantly told me what a great Mom I had become. She even repaired the relationship with Ken. I used to tell people that when the doctors did her lung transplant, God did a heart transplant. (Everything is possible with God!) My Mom became the Mom, I always wanted.  I hope I became the daughter she wanted.

Through all this, my Dad was there for me.  He never missed an opportunity to tell me he loved me and thought I had grown into a great woman and mother.  His words were always welcomed.  He wrote me a letter before I married Ken.  He had so much "fatherly" words to say to Ken and I as we began our life together, but the closing paragraph is what I remember most.  "A Father I was never able to be, but a friend I will always be, I love you, Dad"

I love you Mom and Dad! 

Goodbye for now.  I will see you both later as we all live eternally with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Kicking and Screaming

Have you ever seen a child being dragged by a parent into a doctor's office kicking and screaming, "I don't want to go. Please don't make me go there!"  Most of us at some time or another have seen this scene. Some of us have even lived this seen. But most of us would see ourselves in the parent position taking our child to a place of healing for their own good.

Today I realized that I was the child...  Begging my Heavenly Father to not have to go somewhere."PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO THERE!"

My earthly Father is dying of cancer and I just don't want to go there!  I don't want to say "Good-bye"! I don't want to deal with the flood of emotions that inevitably have to come through this! I don't want to deal with the depression that I can already feel coming on! I don't want to see the people I love hurt and not be able to do anything about it! I don't want to go there AGAIN!


I have been in the mode, if I don't acknowledge it, it won't happen. But that won't keep it from happening.

I feel paralyzed by all that is happening. 

Jo Ann

Thursday, October 2, 2008


OK already!
I'm really behind on this blogging thing! Where do you find the time?
I must be more organized!!!!!!!!

Well here goes! I must share about my Bible study. I've joined this new Bible Study with a few women in my church. It is a Beth Moore study. I've never done one of her studies before. WOW! is all I can say. Through this study the Holy Spirit has spoken to me so vividly! I really wasn't so keen at first on the topic of choice. It seemed that everywhere I turned that God wanted me to be "fruitful". Every time I spoke of having a Bible study with friends, the Fruit of the Spirit kept comming up. So being the ever obedient (not) child that I am, I finally conceded that God was directing me to be fruitful.

The first week was a little background on Paul, so as to set the stage for the fruit of the spirit. The second week was about the Holy Spirit. I thought I knew so much about the Holy Spirit already, that this would certainly be a "review" for me. God, of course, taught me a few things!

I like to journal my thoughts, as I do my Bible Study during my lunch hour at work. So here is an excerpt from my journal during that week of "review": God is so good!!!!!

Sept 23, 2008
WOW! What a revelation I just received from God's word. Studying about the Trinity; A concept I struggle with but have always accepted. But I'm learning how to apply this to my daily life and it makes so much sense now.
God the Father has a will for my life; God the Son, Jesus shows me this through the written work(Bible); and God the Holy spirit empowers me to obey.

We must study the Work to know what God's will and plan is for our life. As we do, the HOly Spirit will give us all we need to know, understand and be obedient to His will.

WOW! Why haven't I gotten this so simple principle before? God I am so sorry for making this complicated.

My prayer lately has been that KEn and I would be sensitive and obedient to what God's will is through this transition. For those who don't know, Ken, my husband, was laid off his job 2 weeks ago now)
I am not sure how I thought we could be obedient to a will that we have been unwilling to find out what is.
We must seek HIs will and the only way to do that is to receive that from the Word, Jesus, The Bible.
Once we know what direction God wants us to go, the Holy Spirit will empower us to go there. He will not send anything our way without empowering us to get through it. But only whe we seek His will can He empower us to do it.
God, You are so good! ^Thank you for a plan and the ability to know that plan and especially thank you for the power to fulfill it as you wish!

See waht I mean... even when we think we know something, God can still give us a new light to see it with!
I hope I canm be more diligent about blogging. Sorry this post was so long.

Bye Bye for now