Have you ever seen a child being dragged by a parent into a doctor's office kicking and screaming, "I don't want to go. Please don't make me go there!" Most of us at some time or another have seen this scene. Some of us have even lived this seen. But most of us would see ourselves in the parent position taking our child to a place of healing for their own good.
Today I realized that I was the child... Begging my Heavenly Father to not have to go somewhere."PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO THERE!"
My earthly Father is dying of cancer and I just don't want to go there! I don't want to say "Good-bye"! I don't want to deal with the flood of emotions that inevitably have to come through this! I don't want to deal with the depression that I can already feel coming on! I don't want to see the people I love hurt and not be able to do anything about it! I don't want to go there AGAIN!
PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO THERE!
I have been in the mode, if I don't acknowledge it, it won't happen. But that won't keep it from happening.
I feel paralyzed by all that is happening.